El Viernes de nieve

This was meant to be posted last night but the connection suddenly went down.

********

I found myself smiling, walking home under the snow. Today has been the best Friday I have ever had in this term, as Friday is usually the least favourite day in a week when we all have to work from 9 to 6. I felt incredibly good that the crazy snow after my last lecture at 6ish couldn't bring my mood down but set off all those cheery feelings of the day.

Christmas is finally coming to me. Well, it may sound pathetic to say I have never enjoyed Christmas. I would lie if I said so. I, however, haven't had such Christmas feelings like this year. I used to work long hours, see Christmas as another day in a year and treat myself with a decent dinner without work. Somebody may also ask where my ex girlfriend was at that time and the answer is my other half was never around during Christmas or my birthday. It all comes down to the concept of "to have IS not to have"... :)



This year is different. I find myself smiling, playing with the snow, feeling excited to see my old friends, all of which I don't tend to express much. I still cannot understand why I keep holding back from liking/loving or following what I love. Perhaps, I am being too rational to dare doing it. I start my pro and con table as soon as I feel that I like something. I am wondering whether I can just put my head off for one moment to do something crazy and see if it's worth a try. I guess, it may be the moment that you know you are on the verge of losing it forever that you will show the true you with the most honest emotions... or, at least to me.

And again, this year is really something. A lot of things have happened; good things, bad things, friendship, betrayal, etc. Don't close the door to everybody does not mean to leave the door open to anyone. I have learned this moral through this year. I might put my trust at a wrong place before, but how could I possibly know I made the wrong choice if I didn't trust it. Nevertheless, I do know that I can trust the people I am spending this holiday with and will fill this Christmas with lots of memories :).

... To be continued...

Eat Pray Love

At last, I have found something to truly think and write about. It seems to me that the more laidback my days get, the easier I can let my thoughts wander around and come back with some new little friends.

I have had this movie in my laptop for quite a while and haven't got time to watch it until tonight. Hmm, it is definitely a movie that a guy may not want his girlfriend to watch alone. It's not about the journey of mediation and healing from a bad divorce. It's about the journey of revealing the true self that you might have been afraid of.



How many times in life, have you found a person, thought he/she is the one but refused to take the chance? 1? 2? n? Along the way, I have found myself running away from whom I truly like. Those are the times that you fear of getting hurt, of being apart and most of all, of losing a very close friend. That is when your head takes it all over and leads you to another person you claim to have feelings for. You subsequently fall into a trap that you think you love somebody else because you have prevented yourself from telling the one you're deeply in love with.

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be liar,
But never doubt I love.

Hamlet - William Shakespeare

Christmas is coming

I still remember Christmas has not come to me early in this year. I still remember I said "Christmas is coming but why am I not in the mood at all". But then I guess it was only because when you do not know what to expect from this Christmas, which is no longer the case when I have things sorted out.

The online test did have wear me down not because it was hard but of the consequences of it. I am one of lucky few who did not encounter the IT problems which Business School kept denying there were. Thus, student reps have been working days and nights to cool furious students down and bridge the connection between course coordinators to students.

One assignment was due. My lovely taxation is due on Monday and I just finished it a few minutes before this entry. Another one, which we have completed 99.9%, is due next Friday. And I am good to go!

Christmas is coming in 2 weeks and I have not figured out whom I would spend with. I pretty much enjoy spending Christmas alone with some decent food, good sleep, and movies. Or perhaps I am just used to the way it is. I do feel terribly sorry for families keep spending tons of money on Christmas gifts even when they do not have that much and get annoyed at those greedy kids/teens who keep asking for more. However, I do want to fill the holidays with friends, memories, and some fun. At least, I have my Boxing Day and New Years booked for you Berta ;).

I am a bit sad that you cannot afford to come here this Christmas, Duc Anh, although I know you would never have the chance to read this. We have been trying so hard, all the applications, in order to bring you here to your lady in London but money is always the dagger.


To be honest, Christmas mood has not set off in me until yesterday. I was actually meant to be in London for an Induction Day at Accenture but the event was canceled due to the early cold spell over Europe this year and student protests over tuition fees. Thus, I woke up with the notion of a peaceful and laid-back day followed by a massive night. If you are to pull a wholenighter off, do it in a decent way and you will see how much fun you would have without having the walk of shame in the next morning. I spent a whole night out with some friends, catching up, listening to each other, going home, editing and uploading photos, and reading until I felt asleep at around 6.30 in the morning. By that, you understand how important to have close friends. And I'm glad I have a few, not many but enough to have some quality time with. I also appreciate the fact that they always talk in the best objective view they can compared to some of my friends, whose friends only take side of with them no matter what.

last year Christmas dinner :)

A little break

Tuesday has been my favourite day of the week for some reasons. I still cannot remember why it has been this way but it seems to me that most of the good things have happened on Tuesday or the early Wednesday, which I just call it Tuesday night. Obviously, there should be something to write about on these special days.

It's just nostalgic to happen to read a few emails I wrote 2 years ago during this time. I couldn't help smiling at that. It reminds me of the great time I had, the last two Christmas in the UK. This Christmas wouldn't be similar to the last two for some you-know-why reasons. However, I do have the chance to have a totally spontaneous holidays with all my friends. I've got a feeling that it'd amazing. I received a gift from mom today. She must have sent it like weeks ago so that it's managed to reach me today despite all the "we cannot guarantee the arrival day" from Royal Mail. She's always the first and one of the very few to send me these in the UK. Thanks mom.

God, what the hell I'm writing anyway? It sounds absolutely boring and listing-ish. I guess, I just want to drop something down to remember this Tuesday.

Today, I received 28 emails with regards of the issues the Accounting and Finance students encountered yesterday during the online test. I understand that I don't have to be responsible for this or make any apology. I, nevertheless, do feel really sorry for them and definitely have to respond to this as a student representative in this University.

Today, I received the news that our team didn't make it to the semi final in the IBM UBC competition. We thought we could make it after the wonderful start. I guess that's how life is. Sometimes you just need to fail to know you have to make more effort to the top.

Today, I got home at 10.45 and finished my dinner at 11.15. My tax essay is still waiting there for me and I'm here writing random thoughts. When would I be able to put up a proper entry? And even if I cannot pull it off, why bother writing this? Perhaps, the fact that you know at least somebody is still reading makes you feel that you can somehow entertain them, and let them know that you want to share these thoughts with them.

Nokia N8

Dear my new friend,

It may sound really weird to you right now but I need to tell you this story, just so you understand you are special.

Dated back in 2006, my dad gave mom a little mobile phone from Samsung. That little friend has a black-and-white screen with all basic features. Mom didn't feel the need to use it and hence I kept borrowing it. To be honest, I'm not proud.

In 2007, my cousin gave me her 'almost dead' Samsung T809 on T-mobile from the US. The phone was a big step for me since my friends had had mobile phones for ages. That was my so-called first phone with 265k screen, 1.3mp camera, slide-up design. It died after a month in the UK.

Therefore, the real phone I bought for myself is my wonderful Sony K800i. I have had this phone since 2008 and it's still superb so far. The more technology innovates, the more those tech geeks like me go crazy to insane with all high-end gadgets. Sony Satio arrived and I couldn't help falling in love with it. Satio was, however, out of my league, i.e. my pocket. I got the Nokia X6 instead as it was nearly for free when I signed the first contract of my life, mobile phone contract after a year and a half on Pay As You Go.

Things went well until some bastards stole my Nokia X6 when I was playing basketball at the court during the summer. There was only one word to describe my mood at that time, devastated. For the first time, I had no idea how I could bring this up and say 'I lost my phone'.

I started to save up and bought both the Satio, which I have wanted so far and Samsung Omnia HD, in order to cool down the pain of losing my phone. I still did not know why I bought two. It was such a waste of money. I guess it all came down to the idea that I wanted the Nokia N8 so badly that I thought the combination of those 2 would have made up.

Hence, I started my second year in the university with 3 phones; Sony K800i, Sony Satio, and Samsung Omnia HD. It does sound mental and luxurious for an ordinary student like me, doesn't it? Everyone has their own obsess, mine is basically technology and basketball. It's impossible for me to keep changing laptop, shoes, or whatsoever. Phones are the easiest thing to chase up the new technology if it's in your price range.

And here it is today, the Nokia N8. I sold my Samsung Omnia HD and got this one for a bit of difference though.

A friend once told me that there is somehow a connection between a person and a brand he/she uses. That may explain the fact that I've always been into Sony products. Nokia, nevertheless, has never appeared in my head apart from X6 and this superb phone N8. I lost X6, and I don't wanna lose you.

From me, your owner.

December and Berta

"Let it snow, let it snow."

"Snow"

These phrases have appeared on my wall updates so often recently. Some were posted with excitement, eagerness, and whatsoever as they want to see snow, probably for the first time or just enjoy it. Some, on the other hand, were put up as a spell to stop the snow.

I merely cannot pick a side.

I had my first snowy winter in Exeter staying in due to the bizarre chicken pox. I had a whole roasted dinner in Lafrowda alone, enjoying my quality time with some favourite movies. I was once, no, several times asked whether I felt lonely or sad during those days. That is obviously not the way one wants to spend his/her holidays. I'm just used to it and making the most out of it. Quite frankly, I enjoyed it.

This year, it is amazing that December has finally come. Here I am again, greeting and watching the little 2010 shaking its tail. Certainly, I'm looking for some changes in here. Let's put some new friends in the picture!

Normally, I would go straight to bed at this time but I feel the urge to put something down here. Perhaps, I haven't been here for so long. Or merely I haven't written any proper entry about things in general that I used to write about. It's funny to find out that we're growing to become a sort of different person compared to who we were.

But how different I have become, it's time to get back here, stroking my fingers through the keyboard at 3.40am as I am doing right now for some random thoughts.

Oh, another part of the title, Berta. How can I say, Berta? What about you shall I say? To be honest, I haven't known you much. In fact, we only got to talk way back in October and haven't seen each other since. Your blog, nonetheless, inspires me and puts me back here. We gotta catch up soon, time is flying and the clock is ticking...

I guess, it's always you and me then, my little friend.

Something to learn

I just learned that this month has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays; something that happens once in 823 years from my friend's facebook status.

I have added almost 40 friends for the past 10 days, apparently the first 10 days of this month.

I have done so many things that I had never thought I would.


These mediocre and daily lines may sound, well, mediocre. These may be too simple and too little for an entry, which has not been composed for a long time.

But these are something. These are those I have never let myself want them, say yes to them, or even try them. I did, and I like it.

It is a good start for another year here. Today is a good start =)



PS: just checked. There are this year Jan and next year July which also have 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. Ha ha.

For the birthday boy :D

Đáng lẽ ra là sẽ viết ở mỗi chỗ giống nhau cả, nhưng mọi thứ cứ nhẹ nhàng quá, ko biết viết sao cho ra chữ. Thôi thì ở cái chốn blogspot này, chắc 1 2 người follow nên viết ra cũng biết là viết cho ai rồi ha :).

Cảm ơn ngươi 2 năm gần đây đã company ta vào ngày sinh nhật. Biết là ra ngòai weekend thường thế này, thế nọ, hay thế kia nhưng ít nhiều gì cũng là ra gặp nhau 1 chút cho vui.

Cảm ơn ngươi vì đi với ngươi lúc nào cũng vui. Ta ko phải nghĩ ngợi gì về chuyện sinh nhật và nhiều lúc quên luôn là sinh nhật, chỉ là một buổi đi chơi vui.

Cảm ơn vì 6 cái bánh. Ngồi tính ra thì ta quen ngươi được 6 cái sinh nhật còn gì.

:).

Goodbye

I do not like to say goodbye to anybody or anything. It is always one of the hardest thing to say, especially when I am the one who is gonna leave and fully aware that there will be a big hole.

I had the last dinner with grandmom and other relatives on my mother's side this evening. Honestly, it is the weirdest dinner ever since everyone treated me as if it were my last day to live.

This year is the second year, which is not as easy and laid-back as it was last year. There is just too much responsibility which I am not sure I can handle that. There is so much pressure as I have created it myself for the last two years.

=)

Sáng thứ 7 trễ

Tình hình là muốn viết tiếng Anh, nhưng mà tiếng Anh nghe sẽ ko thể kịch tính cái chuyện mà mình đang muốn kể, thành ra viết tiếng của bản thân ta tự sáng chế =))

Để coi... :-? Hôm nay hiển nhiên là 6 tháng sau ngày Valentines =)) =))

Nói chứ hôm nay là 1 tuần đúng sau khi mẹ mổ. Somehow, it happened exactly this time last Saturday!

Vậy là kể chuyện đi Sing ha. Thứ 3, 3 tháng 8, máy bay bay. Thứ 4 khám. Khám xong bác sĩ nói thứ 7 mổ được. 2 mẹ con vui vẻ. Thứ 5 pre-admission testing. Thứ 6 nghỉ ngơi và thứ 7 a lê hấp. Nghe thì cứ như mỗi ngày cứ đều đều có việc nhưng thật ra thì chán tới mòn mắt.

Chiều thứ 4, vui vẻ khi nhận tin thứ 7 mổ. Nhưng mà ko có nhà. Lật đật đi bộ đi đổi vé máy bay. Xong thì có 5 phút internet để định vị được cái vị trí mình sắp đến, và đâm đầu tới kiếm chỗ ở. Đi 4 tiếng rưỡi, nghe cho nó achievement chút =)). Dĩ nhiên là cũng kiếm ra, thì mới có mặt ở Vietnam giờ này, ủa mà I wonder if I hadn't found a place to live, I'd have been here anyway =)).

Cái ngày mổ cũng ko hề đơn giản. Vào admission, done! Mẹ got dressed, done. Xong thì ngồi chờ tới giờ "lên phòng mổ". Mà đời thiệt hổng có giống phim, hổng hề có hành lang trước phòng mổ để cho mà đứng rồi khóc lóc khi "chúng tôi đã cố gắng hết sức" hay hí hửng "ca mổ thành công". Từ cái phòng chờ là thân nhân ko đc theo nữa, mẹ đc di chuyển vòng vòng tới phòng mổ còn thân nhân bị cho chờ ở wherever I like.

Từ đây dẫn ra 1 điểm ngu là lỡ nó cần kiếm mình thì kiếm làm sao!!! Điều mình dự đóan cuối cùng cũng đúng, nó muốn kiếm mình để giao cái nhẫn của mẹ mà kiếm đâu ra tại có biết mình mặt mũi ra sao :-j. Có lẽ, họ đã quá tự tin rằng sẽ ko cần mình chăng :((, how sad!!! =))

Ngồi chờ ko phải là 1 cảm giác vui vẻ, đặc biệt đây lại là chờ mổ chứ ko phải chờ bạn gái sửa sọan trang điểm. Đã được dặn 1g gọi lên để biết phòng mẹ, mà gọi hòai mẹ tòan chưa đc chuyển về phòng, tới tận gần 3g.

Rồi, hết chuyện! Xin cảm ơn quý vị đã theo dõi :D.

*****************************

Hết thứ 7 sớm rồi, giờ kể thứ 7 trễ (ý là hôm nay nè).

Nói thiệt là bình thường, ngày dậy, mặt trời mọc, lòng vòng trong nhà và đi cà phê chút chút. Vậy thôi, nhưng mà thấy khỏe khoắn vui vẻ.

when everything comes down on your shoulders

There's nothing good about taking all the responsibility then be blamed for whatever mistake we make.

It's not that we don't want to be treated like adults but the level of seriousness should be an evolutionary instead of a revolutionary one.

Took mom to work.
Dropped by basketball.
Read some books while having a coffee alone.
Cooked.
Washed dishes.
Worked.
Came home late.
Dinner alone.
Washed dishes.
Blogging.

Such a life...

Của chùa là của về trời

27 July 2010

I can still remember how happy I was on 26-06-2010. Such a lovely, romantic, well those sorts of thingy day.

Then 27-07-2010, the worst nightmare I could never imagine. I lost my X6 while playing basketball.

My mind is absolutely blank right now...

PS: My X6 is not actually free. I paid £50 for the phone then £10/month but I made it £12/month and free phone...

Checkmate

The Boston Celtics lost the NBA 2010 finals to the Los Angeles Lakers after leading 3-2 because they didn't have Kendrick Perkins due to his knee injury.

Germany lost to Spain in the semi final of 2010 World Cup because they didn't have Thomas Mueller.

Clearly, we can't just say they failed merely because they lost some players. They lost because they didn't play as well as they should have. We, nevertheless, should consider who these players are.

KP43 of the Cs is not the best player of the team but the big ticket of the series. Mueller is a great young player but still not the best on the field. They are not either the play-makers who can turn the game into what they want or the ones who take loads of money. They are players, they play well and make sacrifices.

They are the KEYS.

They are the pieces in a puzzle, small but play the crucial role in the team.

*****************

Perhaps, you don't remember all the players on the field but can still play the game. But when you lose your keys, it's likely you're getting yourself into a hopeless fight.

Vội

Hôm nay chủ nhật, tôi tỉnh dậy sau một đêm quá “no nê”. À, hôm nay có tủ mới. Nói cho cùng thì chiếc tủ tôi đã và đang dùng đã quá cũ và không còn có khả năng chứa hết tất cả mọi thứ tôi cần. Chào nhé.

Tủ đã xong. Bây giờ là công việc còn khó khăn và cực khổ hơn nhiều, sắp tất cả vào lại. Chợt,

-Những quyển vở từ những năm lớp lá, mỗi năm một quyển cho đến tận lớp 5. Cách viết chữ của tôi mỗi năm lại mỗi khác, lắm lúc nhìn vào mà phì cười “mình đây sao?”.
-Những quyển vở học Văn năm lớp 9 với chi chít chữ vì quá sợ thi tốt nghiệp môn Văn và cũng cần có Văn để thi vào các Lê Hồng Phong hay Phát Triển Người Khùng.
-Những tài liệu Anh Văn học thi học sinh giỏi ngày nào, giờ nhìn vào mà nhớ thầy cô.
-3 quyển vở học Hóa với nào là đồng phân, công thức, v...v...

Chà, có vẻ tôi học nhiều nhỉ? Hay là tôi đang cố tình lấy vài ba quyển vở để lấp liếm cái sự lông bông của mình?!

Tôi tiếp tục mở một chiếc hộp ra xem dù đã biết quá rõ ở trong ấy là gì:
-Những tấm thiệp cũ dần đóng bụi dù đã được cất rất kỹ.
-Những tấm thiệp mà nhìn nét chữ cũng biết được rằng ai là người gửi.
-Những tấm thiệp mà bìa thiệp đã cũ và gần rách vì được coi đi coi lại quá nhiều lần.
-Và đâu đó vẫn là một tấm thiệp viết từ lâu mà chưa bao giờ gửi.

Quay lại với mớ thiệp tôi tích góp được sau hai năm sống ở Anh, loe hoe vài cái...

It will be fine at the end.

25/06/2010

Woke up and felt really fresh for the first time under this weather.

Checked with O2 to see whether the unlatch code was ready.

Hello again, Win 7 Ultimate.

Got the new basketball shoes.

Bought the new wardrobe to replace the "ancient" one which I've got since I was a little boy.

The new passport will come in a week's time.

Heard your voice <3.

Received the code from O2, X6 is back online.

and HAD A BIG FIRST!!!!!!!

Hè ở VN

Chắc ai đọc cái này xong, thể nào cũng chửi, ko chửi cũng nhè mình ra mà đánh hay ít nhất là nghĩ thầm trong bụng "đồ ham mê mạng", "đồ dở hơi", "đồ kiêu căng" hay cái gì đại lọai. Ừ, nói gì thì nói đi, chứ chính kiến của mình thì mình ko đổi àh. Hè ở VN chán!!!

Chuyện ở UK, chẳng biết mô tê gì. Ý là về mấy đứa bạn vì ai cũng lo nghỉ hè và có nhiều thú vui khác hơn là cái chốn "mặt đối sách".

Chuyện ở VN, chẳng biết mô tê gì luôn vì có ai rảnh rang mà đi update cho đâu. Ko gặp đc mình thì nói chuyện với ng khác, rồi thân với ng khác, thế là xong thôi mà. Vậy sao mình ko năng động hỏi thăm ngta? Hỏi mà ko nói thì cũng giơ tay đầu hàng thôi chứ sao giờ.

Sống mà cứ phụ thuộc vào những lịch trình thay đổi theo từng phút như vậy thiệt là bực quá. Hơi 1 chút là đổi, là ảnh hưởng tùm lum. Hỏi sao mà tính trc để làm cái này cái kia cho nó đàng hòang ra hồn đc!

Giá cả thì tăng theo cấp số nhân còn đồng lương theo cấp số cộng.

Facebook English đã bị chặn. Nếu dùng facebook bằng tiếng Việt hay tiếng khác thì ko sao, hay dùng opera rồi mở chế độ turbo thì dùng English đc nhưng mà hình ảnh ko rõ ràng mấy, bất lợi cho những ai muốn xem hay up hình. Cảnh báo trc là proxy đã bị chặn.

Rồi, việc làm thì tới đầu tháng 7 mới bắt đầu bận rộn. Haiz, 3 tháng hè chẳng ra tích sự gì, thật lãng phíiiiii.


ps: sống mà isolated như vầy chết còn hơn :(

Honeymoon period

It's 12am in the morning and I can't even sleep. Thinking about things going around merely drives me into insomnia. Simply, my happy moment of coming home has gone. In other words, I've got through my honeymoon period with everything *laughing*.

Things are back to the way they're as usual. I stay up late waiting for the TV to be available to watch. I hear awkward conversations, shouting, screaming, etc. The last but not least, I'm sick of people passing the buck to each other.

I can't, nevertheless, complain every once in a while, can I? This is it and we all have to deal with it in either a tough or easy way. Looking forward to spending some quality time with my friends really lightens my days.

Let's have some time together!

:)

Chưa chi kín mít

Mới ngày hôm qua còn ngồi đó, nghĩ ngợi rằng mình sẽ nhớ cái chỗ này nhiều thế nào rồi là khi nào sẽ khởi hành đi trả chìa khóa blah blah. Vậy mà hôm nay tự dưng lại chẳng muốn về. Vừa nghe 2 cuộc đt của mẹ xong, lại thấy mệt.

Thứ 7 về tới nơi là trưa thì coi như sẽ đc đi ăn phở hí hí. Xong là chiều đó phải qua nhà nội. Rồi là sáng chủ nhật phải đi ra Vũng Tàu gì đó sáng đi, chiều về ngọai ăn tối.

Bởi, riết ko biết có phải mình là lọai ng dị ứng tình cảm gia đình hay thật sự là thấy lạ khi tự nhiên có tình cảm xung quanh mình? Mà nói đi nói lại, thời gian gì mà cứ vèo vèo, chưa chi đi hết cái weekend ở nhà mà chả làm ăn ra trò trống gì.

Ôi, thiệt là nhức đầu quá...

Sit down and here we are.

I always compose an entry about the trip I've just had as soon as I get home. I, however, didn't do or say anything about Exmouth on Sunday. Such a lazy boy!!! Or I just couldn't think of a single image to write about when my head was still struck by hatred.

Staying in these rainy days is such a waste of time. In fact, what am I supposed to do while almost everything is packed up and ready to be moved in 2 hours' time? Shall I kiss them goodbye then? Probably not *laughing*. To be honest, I'm amazed at how many things I have for this year. I'm leaving in the UK a box, a piece of luggage and I'm bringing home 2 bags. That's a lot!!!

Oops, off topic again :D.

Ok, where was I? Exmouth. It's a beautiful, peaceful and boring place, which is most suitable for those who'd come for refreshment or laid-back pension days.



Being there reminded me of the time when I was young. I used to be brought to the beach for some quality air as I had asthma. Somehow, the salty winds "ventilated" my nose. That cursed illness was fortunately gone when I started to play basketball but the "quality" wind is still pretty much what I treasure the most in life. Apart from having a need for this salt-ish wind in order to go through the days when I couldn't even breathe at nights, smelling and listening to it breezing over my body refreshes my mind.

Of course, not everything was cleared. There was still something that really bothered me. I've realised I have to let a lot more than I thought I should go.

Đặt tựa gì bây giờ?

Sưu tầm

Khi bắt đầu yêu một người…bạn tin rằng đó là món quà tuyệt vời từ thượng đế…
Khi yêu một người…bạn tin rằng đó là điều mãi mãi…
Khi yêu một người…bạn tin tưởng vô điều kiện vì bạn tin tưởng vô điều kiện: người yêu thương bạn không làm tổn hại bạn…
Khi yêu một người…những điều nhỏ nhất cũng làm bạn hạnh phúc…
Ai đó đã từng nói: tình yêu chỉ đẹp khúc dạo đầu…đã có dạo đầu thì phải có hồi sau…và hồi sau ấy có những chông gai, có những điều không đẹp, nhưng không có nghĩa là nó chẳng tuyệt vời...khó khăn làm tình yêu thêm sâu đậm!
Và khi tình yêu in sâu trong tim bạn…bạn tin rằng mọi thứ sẽ không thể đổi thay, rằng những hạnh phúc nhỏ mà bạn dày công góp nhặt sẽ tạo thành sợi dây kết nối lớn lao!
Bạn chỉ biết yêu và tin…nhưng tình yêu thì không chỉ cần có vậy! Tình yêu còn cần cả một nơi khoan dung bao la để thở…bởi khi sự yêu và niềm tin càng lớn, nỗi thất vọng và sự căm phẫn càng nhiều...
Nhưng tiếc thay, khoan dung biết bao nhiêu cho vừa…rộng lượng chừng nào mới đủ bao la…khi mà con người vốn sinh ra với lòng ích kỷ…và em cũng không ngoại lệ!
Em không muốn để những điều em tin tan biến, em không muốn quên đi khúc dạo đầu kì diệu, càng không muốn gạt bỏ niềm hạnh phúc khi cùng nhau vượt những khó khăn…nhưng biết làm sao khi em chưa học hết được chữ thứ tha!
Thế nên... tình yêu àh…ngủ ngoan trong lòng em nhé…dù chẳng được rộng lượng , cũng chẳng mấy khoan dung!
Em xin lỗi vì chỉ biết mỗi yêu và tin, vì đã chẳng biết làm thêm điều gì khác…nhưng tình yêu này…cứ thế thôi…ở yên đây…đừng chết!

Reborn

I've been keeping all the ideas for this entry for a long time. Now, I don't know if I can still remember anything to write about it. Why "reborn"? And who or what is reborn? Let's just say that I'm feeling something new inside of me. Perhaps, I am reborn???!!!

I finished my last paper yesterday and my brain is going into overdrive again. It seems that I can never shut myself down for more than 24 hours. I need to do something, anything, especially when I have all the time in the world right now. Otherwise, I'd feel so guilty that I let all these invaluable moments pass away. I had my luggage packed today although I'm not leaving until next Wednesday.



Packing is always my favourite activity of the day. Hang on, it's not usually what I love to do, I normally pack in 5 minutes or so before a trip. Packing to move, nevertheless, means tidying up, rummaging all the corners of the room and of course facing something I think I have thrown away. It gives me the feeling of a fresh start coming along with tiredness.

I came across all the stuff from my old love in the UK. I used to keep those cards, letters, gifts, etc around after breaking up merely to remind me of a good time I'd had. I wasn't even afraid of looking at them immediately after we said goodbye. I moved on quite quick or I wasn't really into it, somehow. Heartless, I'd say. But this time, I kept them away and only looked at them today when I was packing. I smiled and put them all in my bags. I'm gonna bring everything back home and keep them in a box so that I can remember how much love we've had back then. Today, I feel something new is coming.

I'm the one who often waits for a sign to start something. It's not that I'm passive and leave everything to what we call "fate" or "destiny". I used to look back and see if there was a sign after making a decision. I believe that. However, there're other things which may counteract the signs, which gives us no choice but a rational decision.

Is it too soon? Is it appropriate? What is the opportunity cost? Tons of things begin to shower me. I've seen the signs. I just didn't believe them. I don't know what I will do next but what I know is this time I'd make make the decision which makes me happy instead of making everybody else comfortable and me only so so.

Bận rộn hay là Bận và Rộn

Khi mà trước mắt mình là 1 khỏang không rộng hay là 1 ánh lửa lập lòe cô độc giữa đêm đen, mọi thứ trở nên rõ ràng hơn hẳn. Ừ thì cuộc sống chẳng khi nào có cái gì phân biệt rõ giữa đen và trắng. Lúc nào cũng vậy, có những điều ko thể chỉ đơn thuần trả lời rằng "có" và "ko".

Over hay ko over là 1 khái niệm khó để mà trả lời. Thế nào là over và thế nào là ko? Khi bản thân cơ thể của mình bảo là quên, thì ắt hẳn nó sẽ dần trôi qua thôi. Quên cũng ko nhất thiết là mọi thứ trôi tuột đi đâu hết, nó nằm đó, chỉ là ta ko đụng đến thôi. Và với kẻ đầu óc mấy trăm tỉ Tb, tôi ko nghĩ là dễ dàng để có thể gọi là "quên" như bao người, để 1 thứ nào đó tự mờ dần đi...

Rồi là nghĩ về những ngày sắp tới, nghĩ tới cuộc sống của tôi, có 1 cái gì đó chẳng làm cho tôi cảm thấy hào hứng. Nào mẹ mổ, nào ba mổ, nào ghen tuông giận hờn, và hằng tỉ thứ khác. Ko có 1 mối liên kết chặt với gia đình ko hề đồng nghĩa ko trách nhiệm, và khi cái trách nhiệm đó trở nên quá lớn, tôi ngộp.

volatility

I came there just to see you.
But you weren't there.
It sucks that you are all leaving...

Oh my tummy!!!

A few lines to curb the laziness :)) and the aching tummy :-L. I just can't believe that it's almost the end of my first year and a few more weeks later I'll be in my hot-and-dusty city :D. What am I looking forward to from now on until the end of the summer?

1. Having finished all the papers.
2. Reply from HSBC.
3. Having a new society established if I finally make my move.
4. Taking mom to Sing and everything will go smoothly.
5. Working for Amco and UoE representative office in HCM.
6. Hearing about the exam results, decent ones of course.
7. Playing basketball again.
8. Working on some research into big employers for next year.
9. Hanging out with certain friends I usually do. To who may be reading this entry, you know who ha =)) =)).
10. Being ready to get back to Exeter, second year and working with new students during the very first weeks.

Break time.

1. What is the best comment about you that you've heard?
- "You know what you have to and you act."

2. Is there anything you really want right now?
- A "no exams" friend.

3. What are the biggest concerns for your these days?
- How can I curb my sleepiness? I've been going to bed at 10ish, even 8.30 some days :)).

4. A particular song you keep listening to?
- Life for rent - Dido.

5. Places you absolutely want to see?
- Italy, Egypt and other EU countries. I don't normally have anything I desperately wanna see in particular before I choose a place to travel. Picking a place, then find sth in that city/country to see.

6. What are you looking forward to the most?
- Done with my exams and go home to take mom to Sing. I'd lie if I say I'm not looking forward to the HSBC internship but it'll bring tons of troubles later on.

7. Are you a person bound by morality?
- Even the morality has levels. To what extent are we talking about? It's a yes to a no for me respectively with the lowest to the highest levels.

8. What are the traits in a person that you're attracted to the most?
- Maturity, kindness, ability to play with kids.

9. Have you dreamt of anything recently?
- Having a first and travelling in Italy as it's my aim for this year.

10. What makes you happy the most recently?
- The fact that I'm sleeping a lot which doesn't make me think too much.

17 tháng 5

Sáng thức giấc mà chợt nhớ hôm nay 17 tháng 5.

Tôi còn nhớ ngày đầu tiên bước chân vào Năng Khiếu, ngôi trường còn dơ lắm với công trình tòa nhà A. Tôi nghĩ bụng "trường gì mà nhỏ thế này". Việc tôi vào Năng Khiếu cũng là ngòai dự định khi đích nhắm là Gia Định và Lê Hồng Phong. Vào khỏang ấy, tôi vẫn còn lông bông lắm, này đây mai đó không ổn định. Tôi dính vào tùm lum thứ mà tôi không mấy hãnh diện. Thứ duy nhất tôi biết rằng tôi thích là tôi không hề đi học thêm. Xạo không? Tôi có đi học 1 tiếng rưỡi Văn 1 tuần vì tôi hoàn tòan không biết chút gì về Văn cả. Tôi có 1 tiếng rưỡi Hóa 1 tuần vì năm lớp 8 cả lớp tôi không được dạy môn Hóa vì bà cô không bao giờ giảng bài. Cái sự cương và ngông nghênh không đi học thêm cuối cùng cũng bị đánh đổ là vậy. Nhưng tôi học để bù lại cái gì chúng tôi không được học, chứ không phải kiểu học thêm vì muốn giỏi hơn hay học trước người khác. Tôi có đi học Anh Văn với thằng bạn sau khi tốt nghiệp vì đơn giản, ở nhà buồn quá. Tôi gặp nhiều người, nhưng chắc có Hải Phố là bây giờ còn nói chuyện nhỉ...

Rồi là tôi đã vào được Năng Khiếu rồi đây. Ấn tượng đầu tiên kế tiếp là sao chẳng mấy con gái đẹp. Và sau 3 năm ở trong đó thì tôi nhìn lại và nói, họ cũng dễ thương đó chứ. Cái tính "cà lơ phất phơ" được thuần hóa theo 1 nghĩa nào đó thành nhìn thấy được cái sự dễ thương từ những con người không nhất thiết phải là hoa khôi.

Tôi thích lớp D, học đều. Đây không phải là excuse cho chuyện thiếu 1 điểm để vào lớp Anh vì nếu muốn học lớp Anh thì tôi đã chọn LHP rồi. Nhưng tôi ghét, ghét nhất cái việc bị nhìn là lớp bán chuyên và phân biệt đối xử trong những cuộc thi, học phí,...v...v.

Tôi không chơi với lớp mình nhiều. Đến giờ cũng vậy. Tôi không thích phải giải thích vì sao tôi thế này hay thế nọ. Tôi làm gì tôi hiểu rõ. Những gì tôi làm vì lớp được quy ra thành "khó tính", "độc tài", "phát xít" đến giờ vẫn còn rõ trong lưu bút. Tôi đồng ý tôi từng là 1 đứa phá luật, nhưng tôi khác rồi. Phá luật dĩ nhiên là vui rồi, đặc biệt là phá những luật "dơ" nhưng nghĩ lại mà xem; đối với 1 lớp đã bị phân biệt đối xử, phá luật chỉ càng làm thầy chủ nhiệm và những ai chịu trách nhiệm thêm ê mặt, hay bị khiển trách. Đằng sau những lần quậy phá bị cô Thơm la lúc nào cũng là phải chạy xuống xin lỗi và hứa sẽ không để lớp vậy nữa.

Rồi là những lúc ngẫu hứng nhớ nhau là họp lớp. Còn không nhớ nhau thì mạnh ai nấy làm, nhóm chơi với nhóm. Tôi biết là mình đang đòi hỏi quá cao vì không thể 27 cái mạng lúc nào cũng thân thiết như một gia đình to. Lúc nào cũng sẽ có lúc này lúc khác.

Nhưng tôi đã đi cùng cái lớp ấy 3 năm. Chúng tôi cùng nhau "ra khơi" vào ngày 17 tháng 5, khi mà trường đã sạch hết dơ nhưng lại "dơ". Bỏ qua hết những lần cãi nhau, không hiểu nhau, giận nhau (kể cứ như phim tình cảm chẳng đành) thì tôi cũng thích cái lớp ấy. Ừh, tôi bị thuần hóa nữa rồi đấy.

17 tháng 5 năm 2010.

A day off

Where were me? I remembered I was talking about Astro Boy wasn't I? *laughing*. Uhmmm, I watched one of my favourite animation characters last week. This week is another story. I started my exams on Tuesday, finished 2 and have 4 more to go.

I have 2 days off then the horrible Economics for 3 hours on Saturday 9.30am. Thinking about finishing that paper, I can even feel so relieved right now. Of course, we're all heading out for an almost post exams party to most of us. After this Saturday, they only have 1 left on 25th of May instead of 3 starting from 24th as I do. Anyway, nothing to talk about exams and papers since I'm not that type of person who talks about those things before they take place.

I hate exams time. I bet no one likes it but they hate it for a different reason. I hate exams because I can meet no one when I'm free like this. Eating, basketball, movies, music, games, online, reading medical/technology stuff and sleeping are everything I usually do during exams time. No revision! I'm feeling that I'm more opened up to other people these days, especially after the break up. Meanwhile, my friends are becoming anti-social due to the exams. It's funny when this happens, I'm free and want to head out only during this period which is the only time my friends refuse to go out. I, nevertheless, can't complain. Some of them are in second and final years, they must take it seriously. So do I.

Let's kick them out of our lives and have some fun.

Random articles on the internet.

Honestly, I'm not a fan of Vietnamese articles. I much prefer English news, English articles, English books or even in another language, which I'll learn one day.

I found these links from a link on my friend's facebook. Let's have a look :).

1/ http://afamily.vn/20100428011839436tm0ca107/Nhung-dieu-o-phu-nu-lam-dan-ong-phat-ngan

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 are true. The rest are all crap.

2/ http://afamily.vn/2010042502176841tm0ca107/An-va-ay

The funny thing is "Người càng khỏe, ăn khỏe, thì khả năng tình dục càng mạnh. Nhưng có sự khác biệt giữa hai giới ở điểm này: lúc cô đơn, phụ nữ thích ăn, đàn ông thích làm tình cho dù phải trả tiền." =)) =))

3/ http://afamily.vn/20100421055345177tm0ca107/Dot-nhap-vao-tam-tri-dan-ong

The second question is absolutely true :).

4/ http://afamily.vn/20100428044256455tm0ca107/Dieu-em-muon-o-mot-nguoi-dan-ong

Astro boy

So it's movie time again, a little bit earlier than usual today. Astro Boy :). It's nothing special for an animation movie actually. The movie has kids, smiles, the goods vs the bads, and then happy ending just like other ordinary animations. However, I'm not that free and lazy to pick any movie I saw and watch. Astro Boy is something...

It's merely peaceful, well, apart from those fighting and explosion scenes *laughing*. I watched it and felt like I'm 2 years old again watching Astro Boy at my grandmom's house. I still remember that place, which is now turned into a crappy lighter-shaped hotel. I still remember how that movie could help my aunt to keep me quiet and finish my lunch easily every single day.



Now, it's time for some anatomy.

10/10/2008

Uhm, cái điều hôm nay muốn nói đến chính là điều này. Cuộc sống giờ đây tôi hiểu rằng đó là 1 cuộc window shopping. Chỉ là những bước chân vào 1 cửa hàng nào đó, vài ba cái nhìn rồi bước ra. Con người ta cũng vậy màh thôi, tất cả những gì từng gặp cũng chỉ là những trạm dừng trên 1 chuyến hành trình dài, ko đích đến.

Trong chuyến hành trình của bản thân, tôi vẫn chỉ thấy cửa hàng, trạm dừng, tắp vào ngắm nghía rồi lại bước đi. Tất cả lại trở về 1 miền nào đó xa xôi, sau lưng tôi. Có người gọi đó là kí ức, nhưng có những thứ đâu đủ để trở thành 1 kí ức, rồi những thứ ấy lại trôi vào 1 nơi nào đó xa lắm, ngay cả bản thân đôi lúc còn không biết nó đang ở đâu để màh lục lại tìm kiếm.

Nỗi đau chia xa lắm lúc cũng chỉ là những giọt nước tràn ly. Khi con người ta nhịn đau đến 1 giới hạn nào đó, những chuyện tưởng chừng rất bình thường lại có thể làm ta cảm giác rất mạnh, hoặc giả nước mắt chảy ra chẳng hạn. Uh đó, tất cả cũng góp phần tạo nên cái cuộc window shopping. Buồn vì ko mua được món này, buồn vì món kia ai mua mất, hay đại lọai thế.

Sau hằng ấy thời gian, lang thang khắp chốn, cái đích đến cũng chỉ mờ mờ ở nơi nào đấy xa lắm.

Asteroids

Although it was posted on facebook, I just want to post it here again :).

Have you ever heard of “2 becomes 1”?
Have you ever wondered why there’re at least 2 of something instead of 1?
Have you ever wondered why asteroids crash each other?

From the economics view, it’s virtually impossible to have a monopolist but a bunch of oligopolists is not far from imagination.
From the practical world, there must be at least 2 so that they can both complete one another.

Asteroids are the same as other things. They are never alone. Therefore, the chance one of them hit one another is enormous that it may happen everyday and even thousands of times a day. To see what’s gonna happen when they hit, assumptions about their sizes must be made. The 3 simple situations are: they’re both small, both medium and both big.
1. If they’re too small, they hit and go. Scratches between the two may be viable but the crash isn’t.
2. If they’re at the medium sizes, they hit and their surface breaks down. They may pull together or push each other away. It depends on the surroundings.
3. If they’re too big, they hit and stick there for a while. They crush one another step by step. One may have enough energy to move through its “sticky partner”, leaving a shattered asteroid. They may also be both shattered or hit by the others and hence pulled away.

Sắp xong, sắp chết!

"Sometimes, despite your best efforts otherwise, life will give you lemons. When that happens, you've got two choices: you can wear a sour face or make lemonade."

Người ta nói đâu có sai. Cái gì cũng có 2 cách để mà làm, ko làm cách 1 thì làm cách 2. Ko cách 2 thì cách 1. Muốn phởn thì làm cách 1 và cách 2. Nói chung lúc nào cũng sẽ có 1 cách phù hợp với mình nhất.

Rồi là vài ngày nữa đi thi. Thì sao? Đã ôn bài gần xong, thành ra phè phỡn 1 tối 1 phim. Bởi, mình nói là mình ko có bình thường giống người ta. Thiên hạ rần rần ôn bài đi thi, ta đây cứ thức coi phim rồi đi ngủ coi chịu nổi không! Nhưng mà nói chứ phim hay :). Dear John, Leap Year, Love Happens hay là phim ăn theo như Valentine's Day chẳng hạn. Ít hay nhiều, luôn có 1 cái gì đó đc giấu trong từng lời thọai, từng nhân vật và cảnh quay. Những cái ẩn ý đó gần như phô bày rõ ràng nhất trước mắt khi ta xem phim với 1 cái đầu thanh thản.

Phim xong thì nằm suy nghĩ. Nghĩ đã đời rồi lại đi ngủ. Đang ngủ thì đt reng, bật dậy nghe thì mẹ bên kia đầu dây lè nhè. Ôi, cuộc đời. Nhiều lúc cũng mong mẹ hay ba gọi nói cái gì đó nhảm nhảm vui vui cho ngày thêm sinh động, hay để kể 1 cái gì đó tào lao ở đây. Có lúc nghe mẹ nói mà đầu óc lim dim vì đang ngay lúc ngủ sâu. Rồi lúc khó chịu khi mẹ nói những thứ quá là... mẹ. Uh thì dù gì cũng là mẹ, là ba, là nhà mình hết.

Nghĩ đến khỏang chừng 1 tháng nữa lên máy bay bay về là thấy hơi nôn. Uh thì mình ko phải lọai thích về VN cho mấy, nhưng nói cho cùng thì cũng có cái thú đc ở nhà.

Thôi, học đàng hòang, thi tốt rồi về nào :).

There's nothing worse than missing an opportunity

"Life has a bigger plan for us" is normally the excuse for the title. Yes, it is. But how much bigger and how much better? We can never tell the future so be objective. Say, we think something better may happen, try something worse may happen too.

3 years ago, I left everything to take you there. I ran away from my dream and tons of wonderful things in life just to get you back on track. You were depressed, you were ill and you couldn't even work. Ok, I brought you there. At first, I thought it was for me, for my future but it wasn't. It was for you, to see your old friends, to get away, to have fun, blah... I denied an amazing future and realised that I was left at out of no where. But you know, I was really happy too. I was glad that you were back, you had fun and I got a month abroad.

3 years after that day, I'm here, ready for my first final exams in uni. I finally made my way to the UK. I'm not supported, again, because you merely don't like it. I am told to go back in VN every summer and I sure will. I understand I have to go back, to take care of everything, to be a good son, to do housework, but to see my friends too. Honestly, I don't have many friends to hang out that much but I do have some; and they're a part of my life. You once told me to make my own footsteps. How can I do that when you're the only thing that stands in my way?

Thinking about what you told me on Thursday, I'm utterly speechless. My plan for the summer is ruined because of your plan of jealousy. Please, if you're jealous, just say it. I'm tired of "I'm not jealous, but I can't let him do that. I have to control." I don't mind about taking you to wherever you want for your health. I don't mind how long it will take. I'll do it. Your health is my top priority. But please, just understand how much your decisions affect the others.

Your son.

A long day

Yesterday was such a long day. I started off at 7 and ended at 2 without a short nap or whatsoever. I just couldn't sleep last night, looking at everything in my room, hearing every noise my ears can catch and my brain went overdrive.

I've begun to think about my name lately, i.e. the way it can be translated or packed by other meanings. Let's stick to the way I write it in English. AVH is what? A virtual home or almost virtually heartless. I kind of like the latter although it sound really... uhm... heartless? To be honest, both are right.

It's good to know that you're a home to someone. You have to want to become a home though.

Heartless. I guess I just don't have much to talk about my feelings.

Who am I in your eyes? To those who often consider themselves friends with me, I am a person who is never sad or hurt, who is always there for them when they need help for a question at school and who always smiles. Am I exaggerating or is it the truth? And is the one you thought I were me? I can't even tell right now since I haven't got a clue who have really seen the real me.

Then I got injured. I sat in my room, looking at the phones and thought of someone I could text and tell them about the basketball I'd just been to. No one. Even the fact that I didn't receive anything in days meant it wasn't an appropriate time to expect someone to be free to talk. 3 phones with 3 numbers but nothing. A watched phone never rings. So, I wrapped my knee up, downloaded "Valentine's day" and watched it. It isn't an amazing movie actually. It's just a commercial one but I read tons of messages from that.

Lười học quá mợi

Thật ra là sáng giờ đã học bài ôn bài từ 7g rưỡi sáng thành ra bây giờ 7g rưỡi tối thiệt tình cũng ko muốn học gì. Nhưng mà bài còn nhiều, thành ra viết nhảm để trình trệ cái công việc "thanh tao" sau đó.

Nói về điện thọai di động đi ha. Mỗi con người là cái đtdđ. Cái khác nhau là đt thì bị hết pin, bị vô nước, bị hư. Còn mình thì bị phải đi ngủ, bị stressed, bị tùm lum cái.

Bây giờ tụi mình đi mua đtdđ đi. Tại sao phải mua đt? Tại đt hư hay chỉ vì mình thích đt mới? Con người ta có cái tính thích đồ mới, đồ lạ, đồ khác với cái mình đang có. Nhưng mà mua đt về, sẽ thích nó, sẽ yêu thương nó, sẽ giữ cẩn thận hay lại luyến tiếc cái đt chưa hư mà đã thay. Cái này ko biết đc.

Thay đổi là để cho những cái gì tốt hơn. Ko phải thay đổi là để dậm chân tại chỗ. Cũng ko phải là để cứ ngồi thừ ra đó nhìn lại cái gì mình đã có.

Đi đọc báo nào.

26/04/2010

Another chapter ends in my life.

A basketball afternoon with kids

Sunday, oh Sunday. After finishing those macroeconomics issues, I was so sick of revision that I couldn't take it anymore. I took the ball and went to the park. I thought I just needed some shots to refresh my body again but things normally don't really work as we have planned. Neither did today. 

I met a big guy from Serbia, third year Economics and Finance. We played some hoops then he left and I stayed. A few kids started to come by and make some shots. To be honest, it was really really nice to spend such time like that. I watched them throwing balls up to the basket, laughing, keeping scores with each other and even some dodgy score keeping, i.e. 1 then 3 then 6 *smile*. Kids. I also showed them how to make a good shot. It felt great to know that I could put my 10-year-experience not only into the matches but also into these kids.

Standing there, looking at and playing with them, I wondered when I would stand there as a father and they'd be my kids. I will take them to the park every weekend when it's sunny. We will stay at home playing together when it's rainy outside. I will cook for them, wash the dishes and take every single one to bed. It sounds a bit surreal, doesn't it?

But then, something came up and pulled me back, "where is my wife?". I don't know. I'm not even sure if I can ever manage to get married. How is she like? How many kids are there? Am I a good father? Hundreds of questions showered me from out of no where. It was, nevertheless, such an amazing feeling to give some thoughts about my future family, playing with kids when I totally lost track of time and directions. 

That's what we call a peaceful day and spending some quality time. =)

Happy birthday to you, big boy.

Hey boy,

Happy birthday!

How have you been? We haven't talked to each other for quite a while, have we? Since you left for the US with your family, we only talked a few times via Y!M and mails. I miss you lots.

I can't believe that everything seems like you were sitting there hearing me talking about English and girls *laughing*. I'm such a bad brother ain't I? I still remember that you didn't only come with English, you also asked me tons of things, from physics to biology and even girls. Yeah, again, girls... Not proud of it though. I mean, you just gave me the feelings that I had a brother, you know. I often act like a big brother to the others but had never been a real brother to anyone in the family. I really miss those days. I taught you how to play basketball, how to download songs, how to finish a game and other funny stuff. And you, you taught me how to be really patient, especially with you.

So, birthday huh? 1995-2010. You must be 15 right now. It's still the age when you should be protected and cared by your parents although it doesn't work out really well. I'm so sorry about that. However, it's not easy to tell you what to do any more is it? Hence,

- Work hard. I know you're very talented. You just haven't realised yet.
- Be happy no matter what is going on. Be cool. Don't be shy.
- If you have a girlfriend by now, don't let it distract your studying ok?
- Right, all the best from me.

Remember this big kid?

A random Saturday out

I went out today. It's literally "going out", out of my room, of my flat and of the campus site.

I went to town since Saturday is always my food shopping day in the week. I'd been actually down town yesterday, and hence there was no point taking a long walk again. It was, I thought, just a good excuse to skip the dull revision morning.

I was walking really fast, up and down, forwards and backwards. The way I walked is almost at the run extreme within the walking-and-run continuum. My head kept flashing all the moments I'd been through these days and eventually resulted a blank mind. It's just a good way to refresh our body, you know, and a good way to exercise without balls and hoops too.

I bought something for mom. I'm still looking for some for dad and my cousin, who I consider my younger brother. It just feels right to buy them something as a small gift by my tiny savings from such limited weekly expenditure.

Commitment

If you want it, get it.
If you love it, want it.
If you like it, love it.
What if you don't know whether you like it? Cling to it.

Looking at those who have just been accepted for their internships, I start to wonder again. This time, I can't make an excuse that you normally go on internships after finishing your second year. Neither can "working distracts you from your studying".

It's time to ask myself where I wanna go and what I'm gonna do. Will my efforts pay off or will I find out that I'm trying in vain?

Keep working hard.

It's a long time ago

It was the summer a few years ago. He was still a kid, probably just finished his 6th or 7th grade. A friend of his dad came to visit. The man stayed in the room on the upper floor, literally above his room. He didn't mind at all. In fact, he was too busy with his meaningless days, playing video games, watching TV with only 2 channels and those sorts of things. He, consequently, didn't see the man that much. It just didn't make any sense to him why his dad had vegetarian food when the man was there, and of course so did the man.

One day, the man came down and saw him playing video snookers. The man sat down and watched. He said hi, stood up and was up to the kitchen to make sure the rice was ready. The cooker was making some noises as a result of the fact he didn't dry the bottom of the pot. The man asked where the noise came from and the kid told him it was because of the cooker. The man came down to the kitchen and saw the cooker. The man asked "so this is the cooker?". "Yes" - replied the kid. He was wondering why the cooker amazed the man.

Later on that day, the man went out and came back with a simple sponge cake for the kid. "Thanks a lot" - the kid said and was so happy. At that time, he was growing and always felt hungry. It was a normal sponge cake, the kind of 2,000 VNĐ at that point of time. When his mom came home from work, he brought the cake with him up to his mom's room and told her the man bought that for him. They tried it together and he realised it wasn't a normal cake. It was a cake from the vegetarian restaurant, which is in fact a small shop people come to, stay and eat, or leave with some takeaways. Now he didn't like the cake much since it was a bit too bland for him. His mom said "Poor the guy, he doesn't have a lot of money. Did you say thanks to him?". "Of course I did, mom". His mom went on "he is just a toys seller from central Vietnam. I don't know where it is exactly but he's a friend of your dad. It's really kind of him to buy you this cake."

He was thinking of what his mom said for a while and went on telling her what he did that day, which was nothing.

A few weeks later, the man left and headed back home. He found out, the kind of toys seller his mom meant was the kind with the bicycle and toys behind or even those people with only racks walking across the streets, struggling to earn 500 VNĐ, 1,000 VNĐ or even come home with nothing everyday...

questionnaire

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Know what you want, do your best to achieve it and achieve it. Have a happy life with a warm family.

What is your greatest fear?
The feeling that you’ve taken a wrong path when you reach the end of it.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Superficiality.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Greed.

What is your greatest extravagance?
Detail, probably.

What is your current state of mind?
Loss of directions.

On what occasion do you lie?
I have to lie so many times in my life already. I lie only when I want to keep them away from me.

Which living person do you most despise?
Unrealistic, selfish and greedy all in one.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Ability to know what a woman wants.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Ability to know what a man wants.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
“Why?”

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
HH

When and where were you happiest?
I couldn’t manage to have long happy moments. The longest and happiest moments are when I’m with HH. Everything is perfect in the way it is.

Which talent would you most like to have?
To be able to chose the precise words to say, by which I won’t mislead anyone anymore.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Follow my heart just once.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Being betrayed by those I love the most. No one can teach you that.

If you were to die and comeback as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
The prime minister of Vietnam.

What is your most treasured possession?
Myself.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Losing someone/something that is really important to you but you haven’t got a chance to tell how you feel about them or even you have to force them to go.

What is your most marked characteristic?
Complicated mind.

What do you most value in your friends?
Their presence, only a few of them though.

Who are your heroes in real life?
Those doctors who brought me back to life.

What is it that you most dislike?
When I have to explain and even if I do, they just don’t believe me.

What is your greatest regret?
Actions have consequences. I haven’t done anything that I regret.

How would you like to die?
Fast.

What is your motto?
You try your best, you will get what you deserve. Take your time to chose a friend/love and take your life to keep it.

if you're not meant to be together

What is love? I don't think there's anybody who can define this word precisely and perfectly. It is love and love is supposed to be like that. It exists in many types, young love, mature love, teenager love, secret love, etc. Too, there're quite many attributes of this vague idea we can recall. Altruistic, sacrificial and perhaps selfish.

Love is not expected to be fair. It never is. Fairness is not a horrible feature of life but somehow is of love. Fighting for it never holds a good outcome. It's like fighting for justice, where we have right and wrong which we don't in relationship.

No one is completely right or wrong. We all contribute to our faults unconsciously. A is angry with B because B did something A doesn't like. A doesn't like because it's not what A would do. But B is different from A. Tons of this example take place every single day. It's not a weird thing to have in a relationship, it is when you don't. I call it a circle of of love confusion. =D

In spite of arguably being not even-handed, love should be a little bit more equitable than the lowest band of fairness. You can't expect your other half to treat you the way you want if you don't do it. 

You love her/him for who she/he is and accept her/his weaknesses.

If you can't accept those, either you're not that into her/him or you're chasing perfection.

If you're not meant to be together, you'd be better off without one another.

There's a place

Have you ever thought about the place you wanna be when the world is turning its back on you? 
Some told me "I would go home, where I know my family is always there for me."
Some said "I'd run to my friends."
"My boy/girlfriend."
"My wife/husband."
or even "a stranger and talk non-sense."

Apparently, I can't just list all the possible answers here, which will make my entry full of crazy words. These answers above kind of makes sense to me. You turn to where you know you have someone who cares about you. Even in the stranger case, it is still sensible to some extent. Just imagine there's a totally stranger and he/she is only there for you to talk to and will disappear in a second after you finish. Obviously, that's not our real world.

To me, a basketball court is always the perfect place, especially when I'm the only one there. You're there with a basketball and a hoop. You make a shot you win. You miss a shot, you try again. There's no losing in a game as long as you keep trying. It's not losing when you miss either one or 50 in a row. You lose when you give up your chance to win. In this case, it's argued what if you try to give up because you believe you'll win later. It is still a "try", I admit. Nonetheless, there're two things to bare in mind.
First of all, no one can tell the future.
Second of all, it merely means you may win on the next day but you definitely lose today.
Again, this one doesn't imply any negative idea that you stick to your stupid/impossible path/plan stubbornly.

Oops, I'm going quite far from what I'm talking about.

Why is it a basketball court? I'm lucky to have a happy family but it's not where I wanna go back everyday to be honest. How about friends? Well, I just don't have that many real best friends around me. I rarely express my emotions in front of my friends merely because it's no point doing it. I still do though, to some I know I can be that honest. Love? Definitely yes to some extent. There're a few things in life you have to digest it first before seeing your other half.
Besides, it is great to know when one or some of the people you really trust show up at the court and cheer you up. Even their presence there is enough.


For my busy days :).

No internet.

It’s good to have the network back although it’s been such a waste of time today to get myself up-to-date again. I feel like there’re so many things that I’ve missed out.

On the other hand, it’s a great opportunity to live slowly, look inside your mind and ask “what if”. What if we never get the network back? In spite of being a “hi-tech guy”, I don’t think internet is everything. Obviously, you’re not gonna die without the internet. There’re still many sources of information out there that we have forgotten since the existence of the so-called global networking system.

Besides, I just didn’t need internet when I had her here. I didn’t use my phone that much either. 5 days, to somebody, it is such a long time for a visit. Nonetheless, try being in a long distance relationship and you will understand. 5 days is not enough at all and the time spending together will never be.

It was our first year anniversary last Sunday and there’re many to come later. People say “you can never tell”. I say “never say never”. Of course, neither can I tell how my future will be but I do believe that we can make it. 1is down and about 7 or 8 to go. Can we really make that?

I see you.