I did say I didn't need any wish this year.
But then, I've found something that I always need, something that a human-being can't gain or earn - passion.
It's embarrassing that I don't have a passion for my career. All the stuff "to give is to receive", basketball, charity work, live for love, friends and family don't mean much without a career, which will start with a passion.
...
When things were just about to flow, they stopped. It's how life is - usually heard from me. I hate the feeling that I know I need to compose something but I just can't. Words and thoughts kept chasing one another inside my head.
This year, another Christmas came and left. It wasn't Christmas I'd say. The atmosphere, emotion and excitement disappeared, leaving people, or at least me, in a so-called Christmas holidays. I did have a good time here despite having a gf-less, wish-less and housemate-less time.
I'm thinking how I could manage through such boring days. Honestly, you can do nothing but make the most out of everything you've got. I've got a revision plan. I enjoyed the dinner with a few Vietnamese friends and my own dinner alone. I went out on Boxing Day. I'm feeling good as long as my family and friends are doing just fine.
Is there anything else you wanna ask from the Santa when you have almost the happiest things in life? A family, a girlfriend and friends are enough for now.
Since I'm not quite sure I may have anything to say on New Year's Eve, here are a few words before this year ends.
It's been a tough year for me. I'm glad that I could finally make it to Exeter and now exams are waiting for me. There're gonna be many challenges ahead that I'm ready to take.
May all of you have a fabulous year.
I started my day by waking up and looking at my misty windows. Glass is the only thing I don't like to clean. I find it somehow attractive and natural to let them like that. Obviously, someone will clean the outside of them.
My productivity has been plummeting lately. It's partly because of the chilly weather that always brings me the feeling I'm lacking in sleep *grin*. Besides, my "lovely" flatmates have been screaming, banging and woo-ing, which overwhelmed me with noise. argggg.
Nonetheless, the idea of "enough" is perhaps the main determinant. Have you ever thought you've not done enough? I haven't got a clue how "enough" that is and how "enough" I've done.
Studying in the 9th-ranked university, competing with, say, smart and intelligent people over the world, I still expect to get 100%. Am I that ambitious and arrogant? Or, I'm just chasing a thing, which is named "perfection". Should I lower my standards and aims especially when I've acknowledged that my work and dedication are nothing compared to other people's, my friend's for instance? They have part-time jobs whilst going to uni, they have big projects, first classes, internships and last but not least, compassion.
Compassion, to some extent, I don't have. I hadn't known what I was dying to study before I came here. I only have my self-belief, which I know I can do it as long as I cling to it. My so-called commitment in studying is merely that, and sometimes beaten by the factual lack of compassion.
I do love money. Who doesn't? *laugh* I mean I do love accountancy. I think it's such an interesting job to play with numbers, to plan your budget and to be precise. Is it enough?
Sometimes, the vision of me being a professor standing in front of hundreds students giving a speech about accountancy stirs up my mind, another ambition. But it's another chapter in my life that I can never tell at this early stage.
The last thing, I envy other people, who have warm supports from their family. I'd be a liar to say I have no support. They're paying for my tuition fee by their whole life savings and loving me. What else could I ask for? Praise? Sensible? I've got to used to this situation. No praise. They've never turned up when I was awarded medals or qualifications. I know we all have to work for ourselves, our future but do you want to enjoy your tiny success alone every once in a while?
