Reborn

I've been keeping all the ideas for this entry for a long time. Now, I don't know if I can still remember anything to write about it. Why "reborn"? And who or what is reborn? Let's just say that I'm feeling something new inside of me. Perhaps, I am reborn???!!!

I finished my last paper yesterday and my brain is going into overdrive again. It seems that I can never shut myself down for more than 24 hours. I need to do something, anything, especially when I have all the time in the world right now. Otherwise, I'd feel so guilty that I let all these invaluable moments pass away. I had my luggage packed today although I'm not leaving until next Wednesday.



Packing is always my favourite activity of the day. Hang on, it's not usually what I love to do, I normally pack in 5 minutes or so before a trip. Packing to move, nevertheless, means tidying up, rummaging all the corners of the room and of course facing something I think I have thrown away. It gives me the feeling of a fresh start coming along with tiredness.

I came across all the stuff from my old love in the UK. I used to keep those cards, letters, gifts, etc around after breaking up merely to remind me of a good time I'd had. I wasn't even afraid of looking at them immediately after we said goodbye. I moved on quite quick or I wasn't really into it, somehow. Heartless, I'd say. But this time, I kept them away and only looked at them today when I was packing. I smiled and put them all in my bags. I'm gonna bring everything back home and keep them in a box so that I can remember how much love we've had back then. Today, I feel something new is coming.

I'm the one who often waits for a sign to start something. It's not that I'm passive and leave everything to what we call "fate" or "destiny". I used to look back and see if there was a sign after making a decision. I believe that. However, there're other things which may counteract the signs, which gives us no choice but a rational decision.

Is it too soon? Is it appropriate? What is the opportunity cost? Tons of things begin to shower me. I've seen the signs. I just didn't believe them. I don't know what I will do next but what I know is this time I'd make make the decision which makes me happy instead of making everybody else comfortable and me only so so.