I've not written much since 360 shut down. In addition, as the first semester doesn't give me such "writing stuff" to work on, I'm losing my ability to compose a piece of feelings. Words and thoughts keep dancing inside my head and I'm still looking for the signal to write. The signal, however, did not come. You can't start doing something by not doing it. Wallowing in the stream of feelings, I've found myself taken away by too many ordinary thoughts, i.e. love, tests, friends, etc.
These days, I've found something interesting to think about. I call them "degree satisficer" vs exes. Ted Mosby from the the most awesome sitcom, perhaps, of all time has said "when you date someone, it's like you're taking one long course in who that person is. Then, when you break up, all that stuff become useless." Meanwhile, "profit satisficer", in economics, means you only pursue a certain level of profit, above which wouldn't make any difference to you. Generalising the theory, I've come up with a theory, as you might have already seen or even experienced, "degree satisficer". How many of you want to get more than 95% in a test when you've got 95% already?
At this moment, it's likely that you start thinking what the hell I'm talking about. First of all, dating someone is not only about taking "one long course" but also earning a high degree. You may end up never graduating, or graduating with honours. These are what we're looking for, being in a relationship. After you leave schools, all the knowledge you have learnt is one of the dearest memory, which will give you a smile or stir your mind up while reminiscing. Secondly, the degree satisficer with its self-explanatory meaning gives you the second thought about relationship. How much do you love to know about your lovers? Do you want to maximise it until there's nothing to know more or you only aim at a certain level? Last but not least, linking these two theories together, graduations will come little by little.
The graduation day of the satisficer depends on the degree you aim at and of course, your choice not to go further. On the other hand, the one of the maximising is based on how you define "maximum" and "infinity". They're both vague but there to think about. You don't plan for that, they're coming to you. When the day comes, the choice is all yours whether to graduate or stay still.
It seems enough for my nonsensical theories. Well, at least, I could finally write what I'm thinking.
It's quite amazing to know I've almost finished November. I know it's a little bit too soon to say that, but see, it's just not 19 yet. November, the melancholy month of a year, is my most nostalgic time in a year, especially boosted up by the British grey-ish scenery. The only reason for that is merely the fact that almost my memory is in November.
18-11-2009
Interesting concepts. Very well thought out.
ReplyDeleteIf you take that dating someone means "earning a high degree", then what is it that you really want to earn?
When you graduate from a course, it means you've satisfied and gained enough knowledge from that course in order to move on. As I take it from your explanations, what you learn about this person is the outcome of the dating "course". So what is the purpose of doing the degree here? The more you learn, the more you love or the more bored you get?
In my trashed and idealistic way of thinking, according to the "degree satisficer" theory, when I love someone, I'd get to know them only to a certain point, any further "knowledge" "wouldn't make any difference" to how I feel.
And this is true, with bestfriends and the closest ones in the family. But is it true when applied to my lover? Hmm, tricky question. Because the matter of graduating or staying still does not simply depend on whether I "know" him enough or not, and yes, you can't plan that.
Ted and Robin "graduated" on a basis of "knowing" each other to a point where they understood that their knowledge about each other couldn't possibly prolong the relationship.
In real life, the day I "graduate" my dating "course" would be one like T&R, or, more sadly, could be because "simply knowing" isn't the same as understanding and compassion, from either side. That makes the difference between bestfriend and lover. Why is it that we'd easily close our ears and eyes to the one we love while we claim to have known who they are?
One way or another, it takes guts to close this one chapter in my life.
Thank you for this post. It makes me think about my aim, trust and will a lot.